3.12.17 Is This Happening?

I still can’t believe I am pregnant. I think because I have been sexually active for over a decade now and never gotten pregnant; I thought I must be infertile.  The symptoms definitely remind me that I am. The worst being my throat constricts at night and I wake up unable to breathe. It’s actually quite frightening. I wake up clutching my neck and my eyes are wide open like they are when someone is being choked.  I spend thirty seconds gasping and making wheezing noises as I paw around trying to find a glass of water or a lozenge.

I like the fact that food considered bad for me I am naturally not interested in eating. Yogurt and fruit are my best friends right now. When I drink coffee or have fried food I instantly feel nauseous and can’t function. I just steamed a bunch of pot stickers though, which has put me in the sofa chair with a funky feeling in my gut.

My last period was New Year’s Eve and I discovered I was pregnant March 3rd. I took a pregnancy test two weeks prior to finding out I was pregnant and the test came back negative. I took the first pregnancy test after work so it is possible I was pregnant then and just didn’t pee at the right time. Now that I am pregnant I hope that I am 10 weeks rather than 7, but I won’t know until my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.

I want my baby to be a Scorpio boy. If he’s a Scorpio then his sun sign will match my moon sign and I will click with him on an emotional level. I hope my baby is a boy rather than a girl because my Dad would be more excited about being a grandpa if he was. I know this to be true because when I moved in with my dad, he cut off all my hair and had me wearing boy’s clothes and playing softball.

3.3.17 Big News

She leaped from the toilet seat and ran around her beige living room

The dogs followed her with eyes the size of donuts

“Ohmygodohmygodohmygod,” she said to them, smiling

The dogs cocked their ears and titled their heads

If you’re twenty-five year old daughter was six weeks

Pregnant in a neighboring state, would you talk to her?

Then perhaps, visit her and say congratulations on your little miracle?

Do you know it makes her cry when she thinks of how distant you’ve become

She knows you can’t hear the whir of its rapid growth from California

But, she imagines it and is content visualizing microscopic eyes developing

She wishes she could feel her baby’s heart beating 120 times a minute

Right now, your daughter pictures the blood flowing in its veins and an angelic face forming

Would you hang up the phone if she told you now?